Waking up and getting up is not the same thing. That took me a while to figure that out because, for most of my life, I have been one of those people who get out of bed immediately after waking up.
Recovering from surgery and the ravages of chemo and radiation gave a new outlook on the beginning of the day. I slept longer than ever before. Sometimes I would go back to sleep. Once I did awaken, I had no desire to get out of bed. That’s when I started reading the news in bed. (One great thing about catching up with the news online – I don’t even have to trundle outside to get the paper.)
These past few years have been marked by long bouts of exhaustion during the long haul that recuperation requires, A relentless, recurring global pandemic, wildfires and other climate catastrophes, and the recent devastation of war unfolding in front of our eyes also gave me more than enough reasons for wanting to remain under the covers.
Through it all, Moshe’s method has been a lifeline. Thanks to classes I’ve taken and those I’ve taught, I found ways to connect through the most isolating of times, had a reason to get moving in the morning, felt inspired, and continued learning. The steroids I received to combat the inevitable fatigue that chemo brings about may have fueled my first efforts at the beginning. What kept me going since, what turned out to be the most meaningful motivator, was using the Feldenkrais Method to make a difference for myself and for others.
When my most recent course, the yearlong Bodywise Project, finished last month, I decided to take a break. Teaching classes twice a week, meeting with the students regularly, leading accompanying seminars for my colleagues, editing the lessons, and so on was fun, fulfilling, and, in the end, a bit much.
Not only do I need time to edit the transcripts for the second and third trimesters — Finding Balance and Moving from Your Center — of the course, but I am finally ready to begin catching up on the backlog of tasks, household duties, correspondence, etc. Not teaching class every week will give me a chance to review, reflect, and reconsider what’s next. Plus, I realized that this is my chance to find a way to proceed that lies somewhere between my madcap, full-on modus operandi of the before times and the recurring bone-deep weariness of late.
Nothing about the past few years resembled a vacation. I have a trip planned. Fingers crossed, I will be visiting one of my best friends in Berlin soon and then heading to teach in Munich in May.
Please stay tuned.
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